eraisme: Laura Roslin from Battlestar Galactica looking at a bottle of pills (Default)
The other day, I went over my brother's girlfriend's house to hang out with him, the first time we've actually spent more than two minutes together in the past 20 years...only because I couldn't find them.

It went so well. I had a photo album, a full piggy bank, and a manila envelope. All the grandkids (there are 7 in total) got the first two. Billy and Tony (my brothers) were the only ones to get the last one. Therefore, I didn't know what was in it.

Billy slowly opened the yellowed tan envelope and peered inside. He removed the contents, an Exxon patch from my grandfather's old uniform tumbling out along with all the birthday and Christmas cards they were never given as a child, but my grandmother kept for this very reason. There were a few pictures that she just forgot/didn't put in the book.

Then there were unopened birthday cards. The cards spanned from when he was about 13 to when he was 20. Opening each slowly, a dollar tumbled out of each, and he read the inscription held within the cover. They were updates on the year prior that she was going to give him "just in case she saw him". She didn't when she was writing those cards.


She will next Saturday though. She thinks I'm coming on my lonesome. However, I'm bringing both brothers with me. I plan to tape it. I plan to keep it for years. I plan to spend more time with them. Plan to get to know and spoil my nephew (1 from my brother Tony). Just...it makes me so happy. I mean, I'm still wickedly depressed, but this is so good.
eraisme: Laura Roslin from Battlestar Galactica looking at a bottle of pills (Default)
So, this is my first Dream Width entry. All the others are imports from Livejournal. It's a different time and a different place.

I've not been in a very safe place mentally as of late. Things have gone upside down and I'm just trying to hold it together day after day. I'm exhausted, both physically and mentally. I need an honest vacation. I need to be able to relax and sleep. Like...truly sleep. I can't. I can't do that.

I need to stay strong. I need to stay aware.

I'm going to try to keep this as public as I can. Hopefully I won't have to go private or Friends Only.

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eraisme: Laura Roslin from Battlestar Galactica looking at a bottle of pills (Default)
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