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May. 21st, 2019 06:35 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
eraismeJust over a year ago, I hurt my back. I tore my L5 and S1. It hasn't healed properly. My doctor knows this. It also caused severe nerve damage.
Some days are great. I'm able to bounce around, I'm able to have a good time. I'm able to laugh without pain. I'm able to do my job efficiently.
Some days are not. I'm hardly able to move without pain. I do exorcises that my physiotherapist taught me in an attempt to lessen the pain caused. I have flare ups. They happen all the time. I can't get around it and it makes me feel terrible and I can't ever tell when they're going to happen. Sometimes I'll get a "tingle", but sometimes I don't. I can't explain that. The trauma of it all affecting the physical element of it.
I'm in physical pain. I'm in emotional/mental pain. I can't make either stop.
My roommate has also started drinking again. She hasn't been working since like...January or February. Something like that. Her mother has been giving her money for bills and things of that nature. I fear paying the bills being on time. I fear being evicted from this fucking apartment because she doesn't know how to clean up her messes. Her mother is always there to pick up and clean up her messes. She's never going to learn until she hits rock bottom.
I understand, as a parent, that you want the best for your child. You want to protect them from the world. However, what does one do with the help is the thing hurting them? Double edged sword.
I try to help where I can, but why continue "helping" if my friend doesn't care to help herself?
The stress and anxiety, on top of my own issues, is smothering me. I can't wait to just be by myself in an apartment.
Some days are great. I'm able to bounce around, I'm able to have a good time. I'm able to laugh without pain. I'm able to do my job efficiently.
Some days are not. I'm hardly able to move without pain. I do exorcises that my physiotherapist taught me in an attempt to lessen the pain caused. I have flare ups. They happen all the time. I can't get around it and it makes me feel terrible and I can't ever tell when they're going to happen. Sometimes I'll get a "tingle", but sometimes I don't. I can't explain that. The trauma of it all affecting the physical element of it.
I'm in physical pain. I'm in emotional/mental pain. I can't make either stop.
My roommate has also started drinking again. She hasn't been working since like...January or February. Something like that. Her mother has been giving her money for bills and things of that nature. I fear paying the bills being on time. I fear being evicted from this fucking apartment because she doesn't know how to clean up her messes. Her mother is always there to pick up and clean up her messes. She's never going to learn until she hits rock bottom.
I understand, as a parent, that you want the best for your child. You want to protect them from the world. However, what does one do with the help is the thing hurting them? Double edged sword.
I try to help where I can, but why continue "helping" if my friend doesn't care to help herself?
The stress and anxiety, on top of my own issues, is smothering me. I can't wait to just be by myself in an apartment.
