I Practice Bad Girl Politics

I sometimes get it into my head that I want to write a thing and make a very small, very independent type movie of it so I can act in it myself and film it myself. All about the ups and downs of having bipolar disorder with hallucinations in this day and age and being an introvert and a few other things all rolled into one. My account would be different from others because it would be about me and not looking into what occurs with other. I wouldn’t need to pay other actors because that isn’t what it would be. Though, I do get ideas in my head for very short bursts with actors that inspire me. They wouldn’t add much to the plot except to fill in a voice in my head or two. I can see about paying them. It wouldn’t all be depressive because I’m also an idiot that has weird shit happen to them.



Then I worry it will just end up being like The Room and all those thoughts diminish very quickly.

So, I've been okay as of late. I've been a terribly, neglectful girlfriend to an incredibly handsome young man. Younger than me. Like...crazy good looking. No one should be that good looking and be with me. As stupid as it sounds, it makes me oddly anxious. Like, maybe, this is too good to be true. Younger, handsome, hella smart. Like...so many things. I don't get it. I find him incredibly attractive and yet, I haven't slept with him yet. We've gone out 4 months now and kept in close contact via the phone and whatnot when he went to India for a little bit to see family. I can't pull myself to sleep with him though. I don't know what it is. We don't have much in common and he's completely different from any other guy I've ever dated...I don't know.

In other...news? Whatever.

I've noticed there's certain weird things I do when I'm about to write or in the process of writing.
1) Put on some weird instrumental focus music on Spotify to listen to via headphones or just in the whole fucking space. Matters what time it is, really, when I start to write.
2) Open a new Google Doc, or existing one. Whatever.
3) If it's a new document, set the document to single space at 9 point size. The automatic font is Ariel...that's totally fine.
4) Make sure flashbacks are in past tense and in italics. It's how I break up scenes.
5) Have at least 2 or three chapters written before one is posted. If a story is taking me a long time, I'll post the chapters I have written. However, I almost never do that. They'll most likely just stay in my Drive until I have a few.

I never really noticed I did these until I realized it and my roommate commented on it, saying that it was weird. However, she said everyone has their own little quirks. She can't write with pants on. She can't really do much without pants on though.

Really need to find another photo hosting site. (Did it) Also, I really need to write to this journal more often. It's quite relaxing.